Some of you who know me IRL know that for the past few months I’ve been struggling with writer’s block. While I’ve managed to post here once a month, I’ve lost touch with my first love: writing fiction.
I’ve been writing fiction for as long as I’ve been writing full sentences. I wrote my first “book” when I was four. Before you get too impressed, each page had two sentences, and the book was only five pages long. That didn’t stop me from proudly declaring “Written and Illustrated by Sophie Carroll” on the cover. I’ve wanted to write stories ever since I first started to learn what stories are. I’m still learning what stories are, and that’s part of why I write. I’m compelled to take my favorite books apart and put them back together and try to isolate that magic that has captivated me my entire life.
For the past two years I’ve been drafting my second novel. Considering that I have a full-time job, I was moving along at a decent clip. Then, five months ago, I ran out of steam. I had chapters outlined but I just couldn’t bring myself to turn the outlines into drafts. Every time I tried to turn bullet points into sentences voices in my head would scream, This isn’t good, this isn’t anything. I stopped believing in the project, and I haven’t touched it since.
Ideas for new fiction projects have come along. I’ve been equally unable to execute them. Every week I set aside chunks of time to write, and every week I sit at my computer and can’t write. I can outline, jot down ideas for scenes and situations, but when it comes time to draft anything I just can’t do it. It actually feels painful to try.
So I’m going to try something else. My dear friend and collaborator is a few weeks into the Artist’s Way. The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity is a 1992 self-help book written by Julia Cameron. It guides the reader through a twelve-week program meant to help “discover or recover” creativity.
I’m going to try it. And because a part of the Artist’s Way is reflecting each week on how it’s going, I’m going to document my progress here. I don’t know if this program is going to work for me, but I figure it’s worth a shot. Frankly, my writer’s block is making me miserable. I’ve always felt like writing is my calling. Up until now, whether I’m any good at it has almost seemed beside the point. There’s simply nothing else I’d rather do. Without it, I find myself asking, Who even am I? Why am I here?
I’m embarrassed to say that up until this point, I always kind of looked down on people who experienced writer’s block. I always privately thought that they were people who liked the idea of being writers but weren’t actually writers, because if they were, they would want to write. And I sort of still think that, only now it’s turned inwards. But as my friends have pointed out, it’s clear that I really do want to write. It’s all I think about. It’s just that the electricity I used to feel when I was creating has been completely short-circuited by What’s the point?
When I first started writing, I never asked myself what the point was. I was doing what I loved; that was the point. I want to do what I love again. I hope I can.
Wish me luck.
Thanks to everyone who lets me know they’re reading and enjoying my work. It means more than you know.
so here for you documenting thoughts on each week. I wish I'd been doing more reflection on the weeks instead of just trying to stay on top of the morning pages -- I think it IS working but I bet your insights will actually help me see how! excited you're doing this <3